I burnt all my bridges and I can't walk on water
by munchkinjenny05
Summary: Short oneshot set after 307. Quinn wakes up to find one side of her bed empty. She reflects upon her relationship with Puck and comes to a conclusion about what the future holds for them...


**I wasn't feeling any of my fics for some reason, so when I can't update I do oneshots. **

**This is the result. My first ever Quinn/Puck fic! It's only short, the shortest story I have ever wrote in fact, mostly just me musing/venting emotionally whilst expressing my love for this pairing.**

**Quinn's solo in the latest episode was kind of a nail in the coffin of Quick and I don't want him to be her anchor in any way, she deserves a fresh start and happiness. I guess I'm torn between being wistful for what could have been while recognising the need to begin again, anew. Maybe they can find each other again when they are in a better place.**

**Inspired the 307 scene and Quinn's Yale speech in 311 mostly, but somewhat motivated by the lyrics of **_**"Afraid"**_** by **_**Yellowcard**_** since it came on when I was writing and fitted perfectly…**

_**Lie in this empty bed with this aching head. You left me here this morning, now I can't remember why I let you in again to get under my skin and every time you disappear I remember. Why do we keep this up? Why do we live like us?**_

It was always the same, snatches of old conversations lurking in my subconscious, ready to bloom whenever I awoke, not letting me rest. _"Did you love me?"_All my mistakes haunting me like malevolent spirits._ "Yes. Especially now."_ The unspoken promise behind that answer was always the hardest thing to hear and as a result those 3 words were the ones that always stuck. If that wasn't ample torment, I had to contend with the accompanying image of his face as he allowed himself tentatively to cling to hope. _"She looks like you. Do you wanna keep her?"_ I shattered that optimism and in so doing, I destroyed the boy at my side. I let the lie fall from my lips and watched as my denial sliced through him like broken glass.

I asked what he wanted, even though I knew, I thought maybe if he actually said yes, then I would have the strength to tell him everything. He didn't. The silence doomed us both. That was that. We made our choice, and I had to live with it, the knowledge that with just one word, a single look, everything could have been different. I ran out of time. Shelby appeared, so I swallowed it all down. Her approach brought a reality check with it, rearing all my doubts and fears, the sight of her only highlighting my shortcomings as a potential mother.

I had hurt so many people, but it was only now that I realised, in trying to shield him from the mistake, I had injured Puck most of all. He wanted Beth more than anything. I saw, too late, the family that we could have been. I tried to undo it, get her back for us, but all I succeeded in achieving was alienating my only ally further, sending the lone other person who understood running in the other direction. His rejection stung more than I would ever admit to anyone. He had truly cared once, and even as I dismissed his feelings, I always thought he remained just inches from my grasp, I felt him near. It didn't matter how much time had passed, which non-entities he fucked, Puck loved me. I saw it in his eyes, the way they softened only for me, I noticed because my face curved into a smile in his presence that nobody else ever got to see. We belonged, two halves of the same whole, but I couldn't make the puzzle mould together anymore, the pieces were too damaged. It was too difficult.

"Stop it!" The exclamation carried loudly in the stillness. It was the jolt I needed. The sharp sound anchored me again as readily as though I had pinched or slapped my skin. I lifted my head from the pillow and reached out across the expanse of the bed, my fingers hovering over the empty space. I sighed, feeling stupid. Of course he had left, why wouldn't he? Our deal was only good until the sun painted the sky and it had long risen. Puck's comfort had barely lasted as long as the hours of darkness, a temporary reprieve from my misery. With him wrapped around me I felt secure in my ability to stave off the dreams and strong enough not to cry.

He was gone now. I curled up in the space he had occupied hours before, seeking comfort in the scent of him on the sheets. I wrapped my arms over my chest but they didn't fit the same. I shivered as the cold crept in, my frozen core ignorant of the rays of light cascading through the windows. I was lost. I longed to call him, plead with him to come back and to stay this time, except I was paralysed. I didn't know what scared me more, that he might say no and snub me once more, or the idea that he might actually come and I would have my dreams come true. What would happen then? Could we actually mend this, fix it all and save each other from drowning. The thought was terrifying; I had been an island for too long. What if I couldn't do it? What would become of us if I broke him again? Could either of us afford to take the risk with our hearts already so fragile? You see, nobody ever tells you what happens after the fairytale, how long does the happy ever after really last for?

I decided that it was safer just to stretch out for a while, at least until the tears stopped falling and I could force some air into my lungs and take some shuddering breaths. Once I had composed myself I thought of his earlier speech.

"_You don't need a baby or a dude or anyone to make you special. If there's one person that I'm sure is gonna get the hell out of this town and make something of herself, __it's you__."_

It dawned on me as I replayed the words; he was giving me permission to stop this emotional push and pull that had developed between us. It all made sense now, the finality of it, I hadn't understood, but now I could finally comprehend it. Puck, in his own round about way, was telling me not to let the mistakes of the past taint the future, and he was right. It wasn't fair anymore. I couldn't rewrite or obliterate the past, but that didn't mean I couldn't move on. He deserved that I afforded him the same courtesy and a chance of happiness with someone more undamaged. Our emotional baggage would weigh each other down, meaning that our mutual scars would simply fester rather than heal. We had to let go. I recognised now that last night, he had relented and come over in order to give me the confidence to take the next step. He was wishing me luck and sending me on my new path. The embrace was a goodbye, the final farewell to this whole doomed love affair of ours. It was over.


End file.
